31. October 2008 by Terry.

It’s usually around this time of year that I start to get that little kid urge in me…ya know the one where its halloween….and then thanksgiving…which means Christmas is right around the corner.   A couple years ago I really looked forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas….but I can’t help but think this year is just….lacking….

Every year….every year for 24 years for Thanksgiving we would go over to my grandma’s house and her, my mom, and my aunt would cook just this amazing dinner…..and my dad would fall asleep watching the cheif’s game with my grandpa…I’d entertain myself by playing with my nieces or my cousins…………and I have nothing like that this year……….in fact its the exact opposite.

My mom has decided that her and ronnie are going to his sisters for thanksgiving……lord knows she doesn’t have the energy to cook for everyone so I can’t blame her……..Wayne is going to see my uncle david for a month…..so he’s gonna be gone through the end of the year…..my aunt said she’d make dinner for them and me…..and its not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment or the effort….but it was never solely about the food…..even though it was always fantastic.

Here’s the thing………………..my grandma didn’t work except for 5 hours a week at the church daycare…..she never even had a drivers license……..she survived cancer……twice………….she took care of my grandfather for almost 50 years….every meal she cooked…….not just for him but for all of us………..and yet I’ve had my heart broken numerous times but this is the first time that I really have no idea how to get over this…………………..This is the first year that I won’t be over at her house for the hollidays…..first year I wont walk in the door and see her sitting there in her chair……………………………….And I cant get over that…..and I know that its just gonna get worse until its over…

I just remember last year…..thanksgiving with my grandma……and bringing shelby and kaylee over to meet everyone for the first time………..I remember how happy i was……happy that I could share this wonderful person with two other amazing people………..I remember that was the first day I told shelby i loved her…………and I remember sophia asking me if i did before i ever got the chance….lol…………I had everything in control…….I didn’t in a million years think things would be so different now………….

I had my heart broken twice this year……..when fro died…………………I was stone cold………I didn’t accept it…..I didn’t believe it…………..i just bottled it up because for so long i was building myself as this person that could handle anything…………………………..when me and shelby broke up………..and she stayed………..I handled that as well as I could……………but when they left………when i walked in what was our home for that long………and there no toys laying around……..and i didn’t see kaylee run up to me……….it was silent………bedroom was empty………………….funny thing about that is that i rearranged the place within a couple hours………….cleaned the whole place……….but i didn’t move anything into the room………….almost like it felt wrong……like it would be moving something into kaylees room………………..i cried my eyes out that night…………….which no one knows……i never even told katie that………….

I know this might sound like one big run on about how sad and depressed I am right now…….and maybe it is………maybe this is how I get it out anymore………………………………i just cant help but feel completely alone right now….

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21. October 2008 by Terry.

So I’ve got a major case of writers block at the moment.   I could write about work or the business…..or the cutie that works at the CD Tradepost next to work…but nothing really stands out, nothing really grabs me.   Well that’s a lie…I do have some stuff on my mind but it’s really whiny bitching that won’t do anyone any good so I’ll throw it out there anyway.

I hate my boss.    Big shock huh?

It’s not nesseccarilly the fact that I hate him as a person….just mainly the fact that I think he sucks as a manager.   For example, he takes vacation today.   I get a call from my District Manager (who didn’t approve my bosses said VACA day by the way) and tells me that we have one of our big shot’s coming around tommorrow to do store visits and walk throughs and what not.   Well, the store didn’t look that bad aside from having to be stocked, which is normal after the weekend.   The problem is my bosses office.   This guy I swear to god is the laziest SOB I’ve ever met in my life.   He complains because he has to do so many reports every day, 26 to be precise.   Lets break them down, because when I say “do” I mean he either has to barely glance at them or actually get up off his but for 5 seconds to find something in the store that someone returned.

So besides the deposits that are done daily obviously and the 3 or 4 pages associated with that, the rest of the paper work if its caught up is cake.   But he STILL COMPLAINS about it.    It takes literally a half an hour to do ALL the paperwork for one day, I’ve timed myself.   So there’s about I dunno……..EIGHT days worth of paperwork piled on his desk right now because he’s just too fucking lazy to do any of it.

Now your probably asking yourself why this would matter to me?   Well, since I close on Saturday’s, and Open on Sunday’s, I’m responsible for at least a little of that paperwork, which I do, along with the deposits, every day I’m supposed to.   The other 5 days worth of crap is all his, but what happens if it doesn’t get done because he’s not there?    Thats right, good ol hardworking me gets bitched at for not doing it when I’m not supposed to be doing ANY OF IT AT ALL, I’M NOT EVEN A FUCKING MANAGER.

So to recap…..he doesn’t do HIS Paperwork…..I DO Some of his paperwork for the days that I Open and Close…..I get bitched at because the REST of HIS paperwork that HE DOESN’T DO doesn’t get done…..Thats why I’m bitching.   I honestly like my job, but god damnit I’m sick of doing everyone elses fucking job.   Doing my Job isn’t fucking rocket science, but when someone comes in knowing less that half of what I do and gets paid more than me, I take it to heart.   After my business slowed to a crawl over the last month, I was really humbled, and honestly felt really lost.   And you know what brought me out of that?   I worked 4 hours at another one of our stores, and the manager there told me he was IMPRESSED by me…and wanted me to switch full time to his store.   I got RECOGNITION for how hard I work and how much I CARE about our company.    It gave me just a little bit of my sense of pride and self satisfaction back.    I needed to hear that…because I haven’t had any motivation to better any part of my performance at that job in almost a year…and thats sad since I used to put everything I was into that store.

Phew…

so much for writers block…

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18. October 2008 by Terry.

Some of you know that I am extremely eclectic when it comes to my musical choices.   A lot of it stems from what I was really exposed to growing up.   My sister was always playing what was current and popular so I learned to Identify and love a good pop hook and learned to loath the techno.    My parent’s played a bunch of old style rock and roll like the crickets, buddy holly, etc. , as well as a lot of doo wop and girl groups.   My grandpa played a lot of Sinatra and Jazz, Billie Holiday especially.

So for me to like Billie Holiday or one of her 4th generation off springs such as Norah Jones isn’t all that hard to grasp.   Its half way with me, I love the instrumental arraingments as well as the voice a singer like Billie Holiday has.   Its smooth like velvet and powerful, and can put you back into that time period with just a few sung words.

To anyone who has a thing for slow groovy jazz or just anything from that period of the 30’s and 40’s, I applaud you to please go get some Billie Holiday.   For an updated take on the feeling, go with Norah Jones or Etta James.

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17. October 2008 by Terry.

I just got finished watching an OLD documentary on the science channel about how Microsoft sat there and ripped off Apple around the first days of Mac.   Had all sorts of interviews and everything like that from different people including Gates and Jobs.   It was pretty good watch for an ubernerd like myself, but there was one thing that I personally took a disagreement with.   Jobs at the end of the movie (being the smug asshole that he is) said that he has no problem with Microsoft’s success, that his problem is that Microsoft puts out nothing but 3rd rate software.   Allow me in all my nerdy glory to demonstrate why he is wrong…and please keep in mind that I OWN both a mac and pc…..

Steve Jobs is a bitter visionary who in his own mind is god.   Thats why mac’s are still the niche, because other than visual editing and creative purposes, it’s very hard for someone to use a Mac for everything.   Step in a windows machine.   Is Windows clunky? Yes.    Is it a security problem? Yes.    Is it the STANDARD? YES.   The reason many people have a problem with transferring their lives to a mac is the fact that its not the standard.   Doing so leaves many people (such as myself) longing for programs that just plainly aren’t availalble on Mac.   So in retrospect, is he bitter because Microsoft put such universally used software out that it became the standard? or is he just bitter because he didn’t think of it first?

Microsoft had the better strategy.   They didn’t try to redesign the wheel.   They took the innovations of the era, and made them better, thats simply what they do.   You’ll never see a version of Windows built from the ground up, because it goes against everything Microsoft has stood for.   Mac on the other hand had had an OS for the last 5 years that if an untrained eye has seen it, hasn’t changed at all.   Now don’t get me wrong, thats not a knock against Apple at all, the OSX 10 series is great software, but its still in its niche market.   The only reason half of the people who use a mac ever started USING a mac was because of something called the IPOD that came out something like 8 or 9 years ago.   And anyone who wants to flame me on that one can kiss my ass because you all know its true…

Apple creates good software.    Microsoft takes standard software and makes it better.    End of that discussion.

Personally, I’m really waiting for everyone to realize that the OS they should be paying attention too is Linux.   Anything windows or mac can do…..Ubuntu can do better.

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17. October 2008 by Terry.

Put up some photo’s from mom’s wedding last year, and to anyone who Hasn’t had the chance of seeing me in a couple years, that little kid my sister had in high school that we all rode the bus with, my niece……..she’s 12 now…….bet ya feel old now huh?

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