15. December 2008 by Terry.

So…I found some old stuff when I was cleaning out the closet. In particular some VERY old writing that I wrote a VERY long time ago. I’m talking about the time period when me and Katie were together, some even before that. It made me realize just how much my Life and outlook have changed since then. For those who don’t know, right after I got out of High School, around 16, I met my best friend Katie. At the time I was very depressed because of my home situation, and a lot of other personal things that I think a lot of teenagers go through, stuff they just have to get over on their own. I had a lot of anger in me because of the school situation and my sister. When I met Katie…talk about polar opposites. She was just getting out of High School, and was Perky…REALLY…Perky. No matter how much Sarcasm and FTW attitude I through at her she always came back with a good thought about how things would be getting better in time. Maybe she’d been through it herself and knew what it was like, maybe not. For whatever reason though, she stayed with me and helped me through a very rough time.

I wrote a lot back then, trying to get my thoughts out. Poetry, Song lyrics, the whole gauntlet. I kinda stopped after a while, not really sure why. Probably because I just got too busy. It was right about then that I was going from job to job just trying to get some cash together. I’m kinda bummed now that I stopped. So I figured I’d try again…so here we go.

For almost a decade you’ve been my friend,
a crack in the wall of the dark crevice of self,
letting the sunlight pierce through as if a sword through stone,
shimmering in its opposite light

For almost a decade you’ve been my friend,
the voice on the other end of the line,
soft and gentle in it’s magic,
making my cheeks turn upwards as if standing on my head

For almost a decade you’ve been my friend,
the face I’ve seen in front of me,
losing myself in your eyes of warmth,
feeling heaven’s grace on your lips

For almost a decade you’ve been my friend,
holding your small hand in my own,
knowing that deep down, without a shadow of doubt,
these are the hands of someone who will do something great

For almost a decade you’ve been my friend,
For almost a decade…Friend.

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6. December 2008 by Terry.

So….I really don’t understand myself sometimes.   Ever stopped and said to yourself, wow, I’m an asshole?   I told her I couldn’t be anything more than friends because I’m a very sarcastic person and she isn’t.   Is that wrong though?   I mean I am a VERY sarcastic person and if I make a sarcastic comment or joke and it just flies over her head and she doesn’t get it…what am I supposed to do?   It gets awkward if she doesn’t get it, and I don’t know what to say.   But thats not why I feel like an asshole.

I feel like an asshole because she really is a very nice person…and its hard to find those people anymore.   I just think that I had a very valid reason in not being with her because of our difference in sense of humor more so the personality of myself.   But…I never wanted to hurt her, and I tried to get over it and I tried acting like it didn’t bother me because I figured I’d eventually get over it.   And then I thought to myself…I’m trying to get over something before are relationship even begins…and thats not good.   I noticed too late unfortunately in my past relationships reasons that I shouldn’t have been with someone.   Differences in personalities, values, sense of humors, etc.   With Julie it was an age thing, with Shelby it was a maturity thing.   With Sheila its a personality thing.   The difference is that I stopped it before it started this time.   So….I feel like an asshole because I hurt her, but I think we’ll both be better off in the end.

I felt like a REALLY big asshole until I talked to Katie and realized how much more fun I have with someone that gets my sense of humor and sarcasm…thats why she’s my best friend because she gets me.   I know I might be in the minority when I say this, but personality is the most important thing to me.   and sometimes, no matter how nice the other person is…you just don’t mesh.

ugh..

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