1. January 2009 by Terry.

So its a couple hours before the end of 2008.   I had a lot of good moments this year and a lot of pretty bad ones.   For any of you that know me should know about most of the things I’m talking about, But here comes the reflection anyways.

January 2008:   January wasn’t that bad.   I started out the year in bed with a really incredible girlfriend in Shelby.   We had just gotten back from Raymond’s new years shindig.   I couldn’t help but feel really optimistic at that point.

February - May 2008:   Okay…..this was kind of a train wreck.   Shelby had moved out of her dad and stepmoms, lived with her roomate……fought with her roomate…….and fought………..and fought………and fought….lol….eventually we realized it just wasn’t working out so she moved in with me, made j’s old room kaylee’s room.   Now….to be completely honest, Shelby was still having a little trouble adjusting to the whole being on her own thing.   I figured that living with someone like me who’s self sufficient would be a good thing, and it was to an extent.   I absolutely fell in love with kaylee while she was here…and I’m not gonna lie and say that I didn’t think about what it would be like if she were to be my daughter someday.   Long story short…Shelby freaked out because I was more committed to making future plans than she was…..and we broke up.   Me not being a complete asshole and her not having anywhere else to go, I told her she could stay with me until she could get on her feet.   That worked for ……………….maybe a month, and then it just went to shit.

June 2008:   This is when I had probably the most shocking thing in my life happen to me.   I was working at the east store…nothing really new that day.   I get a call from my sister……fro died.   My grandmother was and still is my best friend in a way.   She was always there to help me……….and to listen to me when I all I needed to do was vent and talk.   I just remember getting home and calling Shelby to take me to the hospital………….and I remember breaking down and just………bawling my eyes out………..and i got it together……..and that was it…….through the viewing…..funeral…………….I didn’t cry again………….some people may say that thats a bad thing…..that I didn’t get it out………….to all those people I say that people deal with greif in their own way………let me deal with it in mine.

July 2008:   One big ass argument with Shelby and I found myself with her and kaylee  moving out and back to arkansas at the end of the month.   Well……..I’m not the type to bash people so I’ll just say that it was for the best.   However…………I still really miss Kaylee.

August 2008:   I Finally took the plunge and went part time at the store and went out on my own with my own business.

September 2008:   I realized that I went out on my own at the WRONG time with the economy and the meltdown.

October - December 2008:   Went to working at the east store and south store 6 days a week to make ends meet, eventually getting lucky and taking a job at the south store with an awesome schedule and better pay than I had before I left.

So………all in all……….I’m in a better job than I was last year……..I learned some valuable life lessons with my business…….especially how much money I’d Have to invest directly to make it work.   And I learned just how much I want a family of my own……..Not nessecarily today….but sometime soon.   I just wish I knew what the new year was gonna bring.   It’s hard to believe that after all the stuff that happened to me this year that I’d be optimistic………..but I am.   I mean yeah, I don’t have a girlfriend, and I don’t know what my next step is in my career if I’m gonna stay with Oreilly or go out on my own again……….but it doesn’t matter to me right now…….because its a new year………and I’m gonna try to make the best of it.

Resolution?

To explore more of what makes me…………me.

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15. December 2008 by Terry.

So…I found some old stuff when I was cleaning out the closet. In particular some VERY old writing that I wrote a VERY long time ago. I’m talking about the time period when me and Katie were together, some even before that. It made me realize just how much my Life and outlook have changed since then. For those who don’t know, right after I got out of High School, around 16, I met my best friend Katie. At the time I was very depressed because of my home situation, and a lot of other personal things that I think a lot of teenagers go through, stuff they just have to get over on their own. I had a lot of anger in me because of the school situation and my sister. When I met Katie…talk about polar opposites. She was just getting out of High School, and was Perky…REALLY…Perky. No matter how much Sarcasm and FTW attitude I through at her she always came back with a good thought about how things would be getting better in time. Maybe she’d been through it herself and knew what it was like, maybe not. For whatever reason though, she stayed with me and helped me through a very rough time.

I wrote a lot back then, trying to get my thoughts out. Poetry, Song lyrics, the whole gauntlet. I kinda stopped after a while, not really sure why. Probably because I just got too busy. It was right about then that I was going from job to job just trying to get some cash together. I’m kinda bummed now that I stopped. So I figured I’d try again…so here we go.

For almost a decade you’ve been my friend,
a crack in the wall of the dark crevice of self,
letting the sunlight pierce through as if a sword through stone,
shimmering in its opposite light

For almost a decade you’ve been my friend,
the voice on the other end of the line,
soft and gentle in it’s magic,
making my cheeks turn upwards as if standing on my head

For almost a decade you’ve been my friend,
the face I’ve seen in front of me,
losing myself in your eyes of warmth,
feeling heaven’s grace on your lips

For almost a decade you’ve been my friend,
holding your small hand in my own,
knowing that deep down, without a shadow of doubt,
these are the hands of someone who will do something great

For almost a decade you’ve been my friend,
For almost a decade…Friend.

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